Let me say that I hate walking.
Also I did not feel like talking about it hence the 60 day- give or take absence of posts.
Yes, I am aware that my fairy tale might bore you or you got sick of waiting for the next embarrassing or degrading moment of my life that I would share with you for almost 8 weeks and after 4 days, you got sick of waiting and went back to watching reruns of Once upon a Time (as if) or Dancing with the Ogres...I mean stars.
But you weren't there.
Really there isn't much to talk about.
Except for this one conversation 3 days in.
Max, who has been strolling along as if nothing is wrong, stops suddenly- causing Grimm to run into his behind since Grimm has spent the last 3 days grumbling about having to drag the Dragon's head,
"Oww!" Max.
"Crimeny, can't you just get out of my frikkin way you arse!" Grimm.
"Watch where you're going Dwarf!" Max says spinning on Grimm.
"Make me HUMAN!" Growls Grimm.
"Are you going to write that down?" Max asks.
"What?" Me.
"I assume that you are writing all this down in that magic book you seem to carry everywhere." Max points at my magic book.
"No-ooo." Me, ever prolific.
Yes, you had to wonder how I managed to keep up with everything as it was happening. Go back and check, when I am indisposed I don't write- like when I was a frog, for instance....actually don't go back and look - it's just too humiliating.
"Give that back." I say because Max has snatched my magic book, Jane rushes over to read as well. They both act shocked. Yes, shocked and I know they are acting because-
"Can't read a thing, it's in some kind of weird code." Max says.
Jane sighs, takes the book from Max and hands it back to me.
"Wait." Max says, "I have been able to read it, earlier as you were writing it."
"It's only encrypted when I don't hold it." I say then realized that this wasn't the best course of action.
Immediately Jane and Max surround me on both sides and try to get me to reopen the magic book which I have clamped shut.
"Be a good sport." Jane says.
"Come on Charlie, I will do that thing that you like if you give me a peek." Max says.
"I'll comb your hair."
"I'll massage your feet."
"I'll let your wear the pink dress."
"I'll let you carry my sword."
"That's my sword."
"Technicalities."
"I will let you kiss me."
Max and I stare agape at Jane.
"I figured I would give it a try." Jane says.
"I- um, " I strategically nose my boot in the sand.
Fine, I admit it, I have thought about it. Jane is just so much a woman whereas I am not.
Besides I've caught Ralph singing a song about a girl kissing girls and he thought it was cool.
Yes, that's my entire defense.
"I can kiss way better than Jane." Max says and pecks me on the cheek.
I almost drop the magic book.
My toes curl in my boots.
I get hot and bothered at the same time- well my mother describes the giddy burning sensation like that.
Jane, not to be outdone, sweeps me into an embrace and plants one on me.
If I have to explain this to you readers, then I probably will have to explain rule 36...or was it rule 63...rule 34? Note to self: ask Ralph which rule it is.
No, I don't even know what rule 1 is when it comes to this stuff.
Max lunges for the two of us and we end up in a fray or a melee of tangled limbs in the dirt. I won't lie and say it wasn't fun.
It was, the wrestling, dodging flying kisses bit.
The mouthful of Jane's hair and the nose full of dust, not so much.
Yep, this is my romantic life, two attractive people vying for my attention and all I get is a mouthful of dirt hair.
"Are you 3 finished?" Grimm glares down at us, which isn't saying much as he barely tops 4 feet.
"Maybe." Max says.
"What I wouldn't give for a bag of holding." Grimm says before he arches his back and plops down on top of the dragon's head which proves to be a bad idea.
Dragons have horns and spikes, lots of them.
Grimm cusses.
"You mean like this bag of holding?" I hold mine up.
Yep, I am the queen of convenient plot devices.
It's my Fairy Tale and I will be that obvious if I want to.
Grimm stares at my bag, licks his lips then goes back to cussing.
and that was it.
The good news is it only took 30 days of walking to find the inn and my entourage (drunk as skunks).
The bad news is I was lying about having a bag of holding.
Grimm was not amused, but I was - for 3 minutes before he punched me.
Dwarves, so violent and short tempered.
Also I did not feel like talking about it hence the 60 day- give or take absence of posts.
Yes, I am aware that my fairy tale might bore you or you got sick of waiting for the next embarrassing or degrading moment of my life that I would share with you for almost 8 weeks and after 4 days, you got sick of waiting and went back to watching reruns of Once upon a Time (as if) or Dancing with the Ogres...I mean stars.
But you weren't there.
Really there isn't much to talk about.
Except for this one conversation 3 days in.
Max, who has been strolling along as if nothing is wrong, stops suddenly- causing Grimm to run into his behind since Grimm has spent the last 3 days grumbling about having to drag the Dragon's head,
"Oww!" Max.
"Crimeny, can't you just get out of my frikkin way you arse!" Grimm.
"Watch where you're going Dwarf!" Max says spinning on Grimm.
"Make me HUMAN!" Growls Grimm.
"Are you going to write that down?" Max asks.
"What?" Me.
"I assume that you are writing all this down in that magic book you seem to carry everywhere." Max points at my magic book.
"No-ooo." Me, ever prolific.
Yes, you had to wonder how I managed to keep up with everything as it was happening. Go back and check, when I am indisposed I don't write- like when I was a frog, for instance....actually don't go back and look - it's just too humiliating.
"Give that back." I say because Max has snatched my magic book, Jane rushes over to read as well. They both act shocked. Yes, shocked and I know they are acting because-
"Can't read a thing, it's in some kind of weird code." Max says.
Jane sighs, takes the book from Max and hands it back to me.
"Wait." Max says, "I have been able to read it, earlier as you were writing it."
"It's only encrypted when I don't hold it." I say then realized that this wasn't the best course of action.
Immediately Jane and Max surround me on both sides and try to get me to reopen the magic book which I have clamped shut.
"Be a good sport." Jane says.
"Come on Charlie, I will do that thing that you like if you give me a peek." Max says.
"I'll comb your hair."
"I'll massage your feet."
"I'll let your wear the pink dress."
"I'll let you carry my sword."
"That's my sword."
"Technicalities."
"I will let you kiss me."
Max and I stare agape at Jane.
"I figured I would give it a try." Jane says.
"I- um, " I strategically nose my boot in the sand.
Fine, I admit it, I have thought about it. Jane is just so much a woman whereas I am not.
Besides I've caught Ralph singing a song about a girl kissing girls and he thought it was cool.
Yes, that's my entire defense.
"I can kiss way better than Jane." Max says and pecks me on the cheek.
I almost drop the magic book.
My toes curl in my boots.
I get hot and bothered at the same time- well my mother describes the giddy burning sensation like that.
Jane, not to be outdone, sweeps me into an embrace and plants one on me.
If I have to explain this to you readers, then I probably will have to explain rule 36...or was it rule 63...rule 34? Note to self: ask Ralph which rule it is.
No, I don't even know what rule 1 is when it comes to this stuff.
Max lunges for the two of us and we end up in a fray or a melee of tangled limbs in the dirt. I won't lie and say it wasn't fun.
It was, the wrestling, dodging flying kisses bit.
The mouthful of Jane's hair and the nose full of dust, not so much.
Yep, this is my romantic life, two attractive people vying for my attention and all I get is a mouthful of dirt hair.
"Are you 3 finished?" Grimm glares down at us, which isn't saying much as he barely tops 4 feet.
"Maybe." Max says.
"What I wouldn't give for a bag of holding." Grimm says before he arches his back and plops down on top of the dragon's head which proves to be a bad idea.
Dragons have horns and spikes, lots of them.
Grimm cusses.
"You mean like this bag of holding?" I hold mine up.
Yep, I am the queen of convenient plot devices.
It's my Fairy Tale and I will be that obvious if I want to.
Grimm stares at my bag, licks his lips then goes back to cussing.
and that was it.
The good news is it only took 30 days of walking to find the inn and my entourage (drunk as skunks).
The bad news is I was lying about having a bag of holding.
Grimm was not amused, but I was - for 3 minutes before he punched me.
Dwarves, so violent and short tempered.
