A Difficulty with Dragons part 4

What the hell just happened?

Oh right I just fell into a sewer.
No. That's not it.
I means it's cold and smells worse that the latrines in the fish quarter of Dad's city, Pewghast.

Yeah, that's the name of the city now. Dad renamed it.
He is king after all.

Damn but it is cold down here.
I am currently upside down on a slope of very cold loose rocks that clink
No wait, rocks don't clink.
Do they?

I have a bad feeling about this.

Carefully I try to sit up and only end up rolling sliding down the rest of the slope until I plant my head inside of something round and concave but definitely metal- dull clunk,

I had better be alone down here.
That's all I have to say.
It's black as night or darker than night though slowly starless nights are really dark.
I carefully remove my head from the pot thing and lie back and wait for the darkness to adjust.
I mean my eyes to adjust to the darkness.
It doesn't.
I want to cuss.

I hate being cold and in the dark.
Then.


I let out a scream that is like a banshee who get her finger stuck in a cookie jar filled with scorpions who are really pissed off for being shaken up being some ignoramus.
Let's just saying it was a once in a life time scream that to this day I am glad only the
Dragon and I had to endure.

The Dragon for his part was not amused.
He looked at me out from under all those coins and treasure.
And I looked at him (and I am assuming at this point it's a he) and screamed my scream.




I finally run out of scream and lie back and gasp for a time, when I look back the dragon's eye is still there. unblinking and as big as I am.
It strikes me this dragon is bigger than the one who ate our horses.
I feel like screaming all over again. I even suck in the wind to began again.
Instead I am covered in a sudden downpour of coins.

When it stops the Dragon has removed it's head from the pile and is now considering me.
I open my mouth.

"Please don't scream again."

A deep voice says in a distinctly Morovian accent (Ralph says Morovians remind him of Vulcans- Ralph was not clear what that means however)

"O-okay."

"Thank you ever so much." The Dragon replies.

"Please don't eat me." I, Prince Charlie of the Mighty Kingdom of Stonehaven, Defendor of the Realm and blah, blah, blah- squeaks out.

"Why would I eat you?"

Can dragons look offended?
Will have to ask Ralph, should I live through this one, although he probably will just grumble about having to cast his google spell again.

"Be-because that's what dragons do?"

"Who told you this lie?"

"My Grandmother?" A total lie, not having a grandmother (which is a whole other story).

"This is why dragons and humans don't mix." The dragon says and looks "disgusted."

"Well, that's a relief." I say and then regret it.

"You are human. you do look a bit like a knight."

"I am a knight- prince-uh well Prince knight, although I haven't been knighted yet but as soon as I slay a dragon I will be- oh I mean - well that's a bad choice of words... i'll just shut up now."

"You talk like a girl human though."

"Well, I am a girl persay...I mean I am."

"You just said you were a prince? have things changed a lot in the last 100 years or so?"

"No- I mean yes, no I mean- I don't know, it's a long convoluted story."

"I feel dizzy."

Yep, Prince Charlie has confused a dragon without even getting up off her butt.



notice: Ralph would like to thank Peter Jackson and the Hobbit movies for use of the Smaug pictures. we are liberally using them to describe a dragon that has no direct relation to the dragon in the picture nor the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch, Also New Line pictures and their lawyers please don't sue us since we like living in fairy tales or something.

A Difficulty with Dragons part 3

"Wasn't there supposed to a dragon slaying sword?" I ask for the fifth time this morning.

"It's the sixth bloody time you asked Girly!" Grimm shouts up at me. Who's counting you dumb dwarf. "Look here, it's not my fault that Ralph down there took us to the wrong fuking castle!!!"

"My name is not Ralph." Alex says as he shoves Grimm up to the ledge I am squashed on.

"I was blaming the flaming mage!" Grimm yells as he climbs over me onto a slightly wider ledge.

"So, I have to take on the flaming dragon without a dragon slaying sword?" I say. This sucks, I hate everyone right now.

"Ah bloody Heckle, Girlie! Every bloody swords is a dragon slaying sword once you have slain the dragon with it!" Grimm grumbles as he slumps against the cliff face.

"Can I get a hand up my Prince?" Alex asks.

"Fine, all I am saying is-" I throw my hand down to Alex who grabs it and I slump against the stone of the ledge since this idiot had to wear his armor up the cliff face.

"I hear what you are saying girlie, but there's nought to be done fer it." Grimm sighs. "We have no idea where that sword it or was."

"Where's Luke?" I ask

Alex looks chagrined.

"Where's Wilks?" I almost yell.

Grimm makes a shushing noise.

"Where!!!" I yell.

somewhere below I hear the two cowards scrambling off into the brush.

"Where do you think you fuking idiot!" Grimm bellows.

"That's it, we're all dead." Alex says and slumps down onto the ledge next to Grimm.

"I hate both of you." I say as I clamber up to the ledge where the two sit, I take notice of a crack in the cliff face.

"That's obvious." Grimm retorts but I can tell he no longer has a dog in this fight. He takes a long pull on his wine flask before handing it to Alex who does the same.

"Oh no, you don't." I say indignantly, "I AM NOT going in there!"

"Do you want to keep climbing?" Grimm says gesturing with the wine flask.

I look up at the crumbling wall above. I probably gulp.

"No."

"Do you want to go back down?" Alex asks hopefully.

I look back down, kick a pebble off and watch it fall.

"No."

"Well, then." Grimm says pointing at the crack. "in ye go."

"What about you two?"

Grimm and Alex look at each other and then Grimm says:

"We're too big to fit in the crack."

Fuke!

Of course they are right. I hate both of them more, if that is possible.

"Dammit. Fine!" I walk over and began a belabored squirming into to hole. I swear I hear them chuckling as I get father inside.

I hate my father for this and if I happen to survive this I am going to-
crap, the ground just vanished and
"Fuke!"

I plunge into darkness and it smells horrible.