Ralph, our Court Wizard once told me that there were 50 ways to leave your lover. I was 13. When he said it he was musing with these strings hanging out of his ears attached to a tiny box he held in his hands. When I asked Mom about it she said it must be a magical device like a scryer or fortune teller's ball that gave him secrets that had kept our kingdom of Stonehaven safe from the multitude of mistakes that my Father, the king kept making. Mom was pretty miffed with Dad at that point....
Anyway, when I was 17, I asked Ralph about it hoping to gain some insight into why everyone loved Prince Hal but no lady or princess had professed her love for me...
I know what you are going to say and no, I am not into girls but I am a Prince and these are things I thought Princes must be and as far a Ralph was concerned- I considered it something a Prince should know about... I mean escape plans.
To put it briefly, I was in a bit of a pickle, I mean, besides being stranded with a cute guy, a decent although a bit annoying princess and a conman who was probably less then trustworthy. I really need to get out of here, slay a dragon and take Princess Jane back to Stonehaven and show my twit of a father that I was as good as any prince.
Fine. I have issues. Half the time I don't know whether I am a Prince or a woman and frankly it's driving me quite mad.
Also Max.
I mean Max is driving me quite mad. He keeps giving me the "smolder" and while I have thus pretended that it's not appealing my insides melt into this puddle of goo almost every time. Like yesterday, we went down to the bottom of the tower to see if we could get the door at the base open, It's locked. Apparently this Goblin called Snargle has the key but he's been relocated to Upper Arctica and no one has been able to remind him of this fact. I had this idea we would use my sword to pry out the nails in the boards holding the door together.
First, I let Max try -cause he's a guy and guys always have something to prove to me. He failed, turns out that while he's a guy, he's not a "beefcake" and who should expect such a debonair rogue like him to be.
This is when he gives me the smolder.
I laugh in his face and snatch my sword away from his hands.
I try to pry open the door, and fail although I make a good show that I am only getting started.
Then I get Mister Debonair to join in on the fun and we grunt and groan and strain and suddenly I find that we are facing each other and our hands are touching on the sword and our faces are inches apart and I can smell his sweet breath on my nose and he gives me the smolder.
I must have gone soft in the eyes because he puckers up and tries to kiss me.
I panic and head butt him.
"Ow!" Max yells and stumble back his lip swollen and red where he bit it when I slammed my forehead into his mouth.
"You crazy-" he stops and just glares at me as I try to not look flustered.
"If ye think that's bad, see what she does when you try to pinch her ass!" An all to familiar voice pipes from the now open door.
I spin around, drop my sword and gape at Grimm who stands in open door.
"Grimmy!" I yell and fling myself into his arms.
Well, that was attempt number 1.
I mean it worked, not that Max and I got the door opened but that Grimm found out that you can open the door from the outside but not the inside (who makes doors like this, I mean besides Gnomes and Goblins and somebody Ralph calls "Call Center Owners?")
This was astounding news, or it would have been- save that in my relief and excitement at seeing Grimm alive and us stumbling around as I hugged him we stumbled into the doorway and it slammed shut behind him.
Totally his fault.
"Of course, it's MY fault." Grimm says as the three of us gaze at the re-locked door.
Anyway, when I was 17, I asked Ralph about it hoping to gain some insight into why everyone loved Prince Hal but no lady or princess had professed her love for me...
I know what you are going to say and no, I am not into girls but I am a Prince and these are things I thought Princes must be and as far a Ralph was concerned- I considered it something a Prince should know about... I mean escape plans.
To put it briefly, I was in a bit of a pickle, I mean, besides being stranded with a cute guy, a decent although a bit annoying princess and a conman who was probably less then trustworthy. I really need to get out of here, slay a dragon and take Princess Jane back to Stonehaven and show my twit of a father that I was as good as any prince.
Fine. I have issues. Half the time I don't know whether I am a Prince or a woman and frankly it's driving me quite mad.
Also Max.
I mean Max is driving me quite mad. He keeps giving me the "smolder" and while I have thus pretended that it's not appealing my insides melt into this puddle of goo almost every time. Like yesterday, we went down to the bottom of the tower to see if we could get the door at the base open, It's locked. Apparently this Goblin called Snargle has the key but he's been relocated to Upper Arctica and no one has been able to remind him of this fact. I had this idea we would use my sword to pry out the nails in the boards holding the door together.
First, I let Max try -cause he's a guy and guys always have something to prove to me. He failed, turns out that while he's a guy, he's not a "beefcake" and who should expect such a debonair rogue like him to be.
This is when he gives me the smolder.
I laugh in his face and snatch my sword away from his hands.
I try to pry open the door, and fail although I make a good show that I am only getting started.
Then I get Mister Debonair to join in on the fun and we grunt and groan and strain and suddenly I find that we are facing each other and our hands are touching on the sword and our faces are inches apart and I can smell his sweet breath on my nose and he gives me the smolder.
I must have gone soft in the eyes because he puckers up and tries to kiss me.
I panic and head butt him.
"Ow!" Max yells and stumble back his lip swollen and red where he bit it when I slammed my forehead into his mouth.
"You crazy-" he stops and just glares at me as I try to not look flustered.
"If ye think that's bad, see what she does when you try to pinch her ass!" An all to familiar voice pipes from the now open door.
I spin around, drop my sword and gape at Grimm who stands in open door.
"Grimmy!" I yell and fling myself into his arms.
Well, that was attempt number 1.
I mean it worked, not that Max and I got the door opened but that Grimm found out that you can open the door from the outside but not the inside (who makes doors like this, I mean besides Gnomes and Goblins and somebody Ralph calls "Call Center Owners?")
This was astounding news, or it would have been- save that in my relief and excitement at seeing Grimm alive and us stumbling around as I hugged him we stumbled into the doorway and it slammed shut behind him.
Totally his fault.
"Of course, it's MY fault." Grimm says as the three of us gaze at the re-locked door.
