Tuesday, June 23, 2015

50 Ways to Escape your Lover, a Dragon and a bunch of Damnable Gnomes and Goblins: Attempt 3

We could make wings and glide out of the tower?

"That's idiotic!" Jane

It worked for Icarus and Daedalus.

"Who?"

Those greek guys who escape from King Minos buy flying.

"Uh, not to be a downer, but Icarus wings melt and he died." Max puts in.

Dammit, forgot about that stupid kid.

"Kids ruin everything." Crawley says.

"Besides all we have it a feather bed and no candles." Jane interjects

"Goose Feathers." Max sighs.

We could build a hot air balloon out of sheets and - nope I got nothing.

"No more fire!" Crawley screams and then bursts into tears and flees the room.

Battering Ram!

"Now yer thinkin'" Grimm says from where he has been sleeping in the corner.

So we search the tower.
Three floors later, two wardrobes, 2 tables and 3 beds and not enough wood to make a good ram.

How about the rafters
We all look up.
"Who's got an ax?" Grimm asks

Wait, I thought you had an ax?

"Well, I did, but I lost it when I was outrunning and jumping away from that Dragon."

Ohhhh, right. Nuts.

Well no one has an ax. I have a sword.

which proves to be a complete waste of time. Swords are not axes by any stretch of the imagination.

Grimm tries anyway. Chips my sword. At least he didn't break it.

We all stare at the rafter in anger.

"It'd make such a good ram." Grim sighs.

In the end we go to bed. except Crawley's bed is broken- it looked promising. he takes the bath tub.
Jane and I end up in her bed again.
Grimm takes the bed from Max with one well placed fart.
Max ends up on the couch.
So do I since Jane snores.
Max and I snuggle down on the couch.

"Your feet smell."

"You could sleep up here with me instead of that end to end, foot to head approach you are trying." Max  says and waggles his eyebrows at me.

His eyebrows are a lot more attractive than his smelly feet.
So we end up snuggling face to face in each arms.

Max gives me the smulder.
I shove him off the couch.

"What?" Max stares in shock.

"That looks is trouble." I say and a giggle escapes.

"It's always worked for me in the past." Max says as he tries to climb back onto the couch.

"Until you tried it on me....wait have you used it on Jane?'

"Yes, I mean no- I mean...I don't know what I mean..." Max looks very cute right now kneeling by the couch.

"It didn't work on her either did it?"

Max slumps and huffs in a very charming way while scowling at the same time.

"No."

I could kiss him right now but I don't.

I lean back and star at the rafter and contemplate my need to kiss him.

After a moment, I look back at him to invite back into my arms and find him asleep, his head leaning back against the couch.

Nuts.



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

50 Ways to Escape your Lover, a Dragon and a bunch of Damnable Gnomes and Goblins

Attempt #2
Rope ladder.
Problem not enough rope.
also it's flammable as max who is currently 40 feet down just found out.
Imagine if you will:
I mean it, imagine it.
Jane, Grimm and Myself peice together six pieces of rope, sheets, 2 belts and one nightgown (I am not judging)
"Dammit all I loved that nightgown!" Crikey Crawley whimpers as Max prepares to descend.

"Relax Crikey." Max says in a placating tone. "I am sure it won't come to harm."

Famous last words.

So down Max went as we struggle to lower him.
Forty foot later, we ran out of rope.
"It's only another 60 or so foot! Jump!" Grimm yells.

"Funny." Max yells back.

"Try swing for that ledge!" I yell.

Max starts swinging out for a ledge some 25 feet away.
We watch him run sideways along the tower side and jump out into space and swing out and up and miss the ledge. On his way back, his shadow alerts the Dragon- let's call him Fussypants.
Fussypants snorts out a fireball which misses Max.

"Ha you missed!" Max yells and laughs.

"Did not." Fussypants yells back.

"I am still her, very unlit." Max retorts.

"Uh Max?" I call as Jane starts screaming.

"Oh crap." Max says and starts a hasty assent.

Crikey's Nightgown is ablaze.
Then the first rope is aflame and the others soon catch fire.
I have never seen a man run straight up a tower wall until today.

"Hot! Hot! Hot!" Max yells as he rapidly ascends and actually makes it into my arms before the whole rope thing turns mostly to ash in our hands and we drop the remains into the courtyard.

Max and I look down.
Crikey is crying, so is Jane.
Grimm is guffawing.
well scratch attempt number 2.