A quick note from Charles

Hey readers.

 Just a note.
While my fairy tale goes on, my writer's life goes on to. He's have some troubles of his own.
He is promising to keep telling my story as he can. So bear with us. One thing all of us share, well the two of us share anyway, is the hope that it will get better from here.


Love
Charlie. <3

The Problem with Fairy Tales Part 2

They can come true.
This is not as good as it sounds.
I mean, to you, that probably sounds better than having to go to the grocery store and buy a jug of milk that isn't really milk anymore so that your wife will stop yelling at you to go to the store and buy some milk that isn't really milk anymore and you can pour in on the sugar food that your kids insist is breakfast and if they don't have some milk that isn't milk anymore they will make your life a living hell which now that you think about it, is.

Actually that kind of sounds like a fairy tale to me.
A bad one.
If I were you, I would start looking around for a horse or a troll or the wicked stepmother witch you or someone you are related to insulted or stole from sometime in the past and forgot to admit it to those living in your dungeon that you guys keep insisting is civilized life and thus I should envy it.
Because I totally do...
Well I would if I wasn't a prince living in a Huge Castle of a Rocky Island just off the Coast of Stonehaven and having servants at my beck and call that is.
If I squint really hard I can still make a comparison.

but I digress.

The Problem with Fairy Tales

What is worse than finding out that Fairy Tales are real?
Finding out that you are part of one.

What is worse than finding out that you are part of a Fairy Tale?
Finding out that you are the main character in the Fairy Tale.

Is there anything worse than that?
Oh yes, so many, many things can be worse. But since we could be here all day I am going to stick with the first two.
So I can see that you are going to to ask "But Charlie, I mean Prince Charlie what is so bad about finding out that Fairy Tales are true?
I am glad you asked me that.
When I was 7, I got my first real bow, I spent all day shooting at things with it.
I said first real bow, I had practice bows, ones that have holes in them so you don't have to hold the arrows when you pull and shoot.

In case you are wondering, I cannot draw (no matter what the King told you so I asked the court wizard to conjure me a couple of examples. He grumpled about 'Goo Gul" and gave me these.

Anyway the real difference is the hole in the stock that prevents shooting arrows perpendicularly from the bow. I have to admit at age seven,, perpendicularly was more like "oops sorry" or "my Dad can pay for that." At that point the Master at Arms decided that it would be a good idea to go back to practice arrows.

Needless to say, Artemis I am not. Some Princes are admittedly natural with bows, not me. I wasn't all that good with the practice bow, although I could shoot in straight lines. So, it was decided that someone reliable would shoot for me at all official events that would require me to shoot something. Which as it turns out was more often than not, as King Dev saw that it as a key issue to promote that he has a "son."

So, when I was seven, I went to annual Dragon Slaying tournaments and "shot and arrow" with the other princes. (I would like to note that due to a shortage of Dragons, most of these tournaments ended with pledges that if there should be any dragons that the winner would most definately go and slay them.)
In my favor, though, many of the other princes could shoot worth a lick either and also had a stand in shooter. My first stand in was a lad called Dawg.
Are you done laughing?
No? Well I will just ignore you then. Dawg was actually Doug but his father was drunk his entire life and slurred his name so bad that it just ended up being Dawg. He was a page to Sir Regibald but managed to escape exile because the King had taken a liking to him. So Prince Char and his faithful Dawg (yes- I see the humor in this statement) would go to these affairs of state and I would stand beside Dawg and he would shoot for me. Dawg was a reasonable archer. That is he hit the target for the most part. We got along fairly well until Prince Matrim had that perpendicular shooting accident and shot Dawg in the knee.
You hear around these parts men talking about how they were great adventurers until they took an arrow to the knee, it is a complete load of bull but convenient since taking a arrow to the knee is very painful and somewhat embarrassing
Dawg dropped the bow and started howling in pain. Prince Matrim started to apologize to me, he ignored Dawg.
"Sorry Prince Char." he said.
Dawg is screaming in agony.
I starred at him then down at Dawg.
King Hal (Matrim's father) ran over took in the situation, looked down at Dawg still screaming and said.
"You'd think he'd man up?" King Hal says to his son.
"Bastard!" I scream and hurl myself at King Hal who is anything but athletic. I am a seven year old ball of fury. Needless to say, I lay waste to King Hal. By the time the guards have hauled me off of King Hall, I have torn several fistfuls of his hair out, blacked his eye and chipped his right front tooth.
Prince Matrim has fled the field and has to be coaxed out from under the bleachers by his mother who picks him up and carries him out of the arena. She pointedly ignores King Hal.
Dawg is picked up as well and carried away by his father. By this point, he's whimpering.
I am still snarling at King Hal who has gotten some of his courage back now that there are several layers of guards between up.
"You insolent Girl!" He screams at me.
"That is my son, you are referring too." King Dev points out.
King Hal opens his mouth and closes it several times.
"You are crazy! Dev! Crazy."
"One more word outside of an apology and it war." King Dev says calmly.
King Hal's eyes go wide and he starts shaking his head. This turns out to be a bad move and he winces in pain and then his eyes roll back and down he goes face first into the mud. Splat.
King Dev turns to me and laughs.
"You'd think he'd man up!" He lifts me into the sky and yells.
"That's my boy!" and we spin around as everyone cheers.


That is when I realized that fairy tales were true because I was the hero in my own fairy tale.
I mean nothing happened to me. I assaulted a king and was applauded for beating up an adult.
I thought I was an awesome Boy and a prince and that nothing I did was ever going to be viewed as wrong.

It was a good fairy tale while it lasted. about 1 year.

see you tomorrow (that's prince-time for sooner or later)

Time Passes like a river

The first memory I can recall is being held in the saddle of a charger and jumping fences. Also several glimpses of my mother's pale face as I come screaming by. Most of what I remember most about my childhood was my father being insistent that I be given every opportunity that every other boy is presented with.
As soon as I was suckled from my mother's breast, I was whisked away to learn what it was to be a boy and a prince. I do not remember ever seeing a doll or a child's dress until I was 8 years old. All I knew was to be found in the rooms of my apartment (adjacent to my father's side of the royal apartment). I had to wear whatever was considered fashionable and was currently being worn by the other princes in 9 kingdoms. My playmate were other boys- mostly sons of King Dev's knights and hunting friends. For all intents and purposes I was raised to be boy, well not a boy but really to be a prince.
My hair was cut short and never allowed to get longer than a few inches. It did not take long to suspect that there were things that were odd and that I was not being told the whole truth of things. The other boys avoided talking about certain things. They would even mess up and say something like.
"She's really a girl." Sir Regibald's son, Frankfurt.
"Who is?" Sir Bart's son, Bart.
"She is." Frankfurt then points at me.
"Who? Charlie? but he's a boy."
"No, she is not a boy."
"Is not."
"Is so"
This went on for pages and pages until I just deleted it and summarize the rest as yelling, scuffling, punching and ear pulling when I pull the two of them apart.
"What is going on?" I say.
"He started it!" Bart says.
"Liar!" Frankfurt says.
"He said you are a girl!" Bart says
"I did not." Frankfurt says then "I DID NOT!" full scream as he has just spotted his father striding across the yard.
"Forgive me My La-ahem Prince." Sir Regibald says coming up and grabbing his son's arm. "Something pressing has arisen and I must be taking Frankfurt home right now."
"Did you just call her a-" Frankfurt asks even as he get's pulled away. The rest of that conversation is in an angry whisper with Frankfurt glaring at me and his father almost pleading with his son while threatening him at the same time. Finally Regibald slaps Frankfurt hard across the face and says something.
All I hear is "exile" and then Frankfurt's eyes go wide and he bursts into tears and has to be carried out of the yard.
I never see Frankfurt for nearly 10 years.
I was six.
I barely remembered it. Frankfurt had never forgotten it.
"What was that about?" Bart says.
"Hmph, nothing. Let's go steal some meat pies from the Hall." I say and we run off.

Gentlemen! I have a newborn Son!

King Dev got the word last.
These things happen.
He stormed into the Queen's room and demanded proof.
Mother never would say what he actually said but Terrence the stable boy once told me that the King had the Midwife put in the stocks for swapping babies. Terrence also claimed King Dev had ranted for a hour and accused the Queen of deceiving him with this imposter child and that she must produce his son or he would...apparently the King ran out of breath and had to sit down and breath into a sack (for some reason that no one will tell me why).
At this point, I did remember to ask Terrence how he knew all this and he blushed a lot (although it could have just been the grog) and said that he wasn't always a stable boy. Then he passed out.
At first, I doubted that there was anyway he could have known but then one day the King's Secretary let slip something about Terrence being the King's steward in front of me and spent the afternoon in the stocks reminding himself that he had to watch his tongue... (no really, he had to verbally recite "I must remember to watch my tongue" out loud).
Anyway, whatever had, everyone was sworn to secrecy about what had actually happened and then the King sulked in the West Tower for the rest of the day.
Mother says that she almost thought it would be alright and they could just have a daughter and forget the whole son/prince thing. But then King Dev came down to the supper table and decreed that he had a son, and her..his name would be Charles Davidicus Ravina the third and there would be no discussing it!
Then before Mother could protest, King Dev took his child from Queen Sam and held her...him up to the court and announced that anyone who made the mistake would spend a week in the stocks.
All I know is that over the next month most of the palace staff and even several members of the court and their wives spent considerable time in the stocks.

Two things I would like to point out (other than the sword that I have against your ribcage right now)
1. Yes, my name is in fact Charles Davidicus Ravina the third although most people including King Dev refer to me as Prince Charlie or just Prince Char (when they think the king is not listening)
2. I have mentioned and will continue to mention the stocks a bit. The stocks were the formal punishment in the kingdom and even once (or so I am told) people flung insults and rotten fruit at the people locked in the stocks. But since, one night about 12 years before I was born, when King Dev was very eager to please his subjects and also the fact of him being drunk- he decreed that he would no longer imprison, whip, flog, or even poke any citizen of the kingdom. The next day, King Dev summoned all his staff and set about finding out just how far reaching this decree of his would go. Let me put it this way. The Dungeon is now a day spa and inn. If you screw up in Stonehaven, the worst you have to fear is a certain amount of time in the stocks, which were moved where the shade would be better, since the Stock guards need to protect their skins from the sun. King Dev did keep executions as a matter of form but he has never executed anyone in his entire reign to most people just ignore its existence.

Just so you know, I am more like my mother than I am like my father...

As the pregnancy progressed, King Dev commissioned the construction of a boy's nursery, training grounds, playroom, toys and furniture that would befit a boy's every whim and desire.
Time passed.
Queen Sam was concerned, King Dev grew more and more obsessed with the idea that he would soon have a son who could compete with all his neighbor King's princes. What if her son was feminine and did not want to be a warrior and slay dragons? What if he wanted to paint and write books?
Time passed.
Soon, in some ways all too soon, the day of labor arrived. Queen Sam was relieved that it arrived without much fuss and she begin delivery of what she hoped was a son to satisfy this obsession of King Dev.
King Dev handed out pipeweed and pipes to everyone and bragged about all the manly things that his newborn son would soon be born.
The Midwife in charge of delivery had been informed in advance that once King Dev's son was birthed that she was to send word to him so he could have the city's bells rung. Mabelwise was a practical midwife and probably somewhat pragmatic to some degree, but she did just nod and curtsy when the request was made.
So when I popped out, she instantly knew that they had a small problem...well, actually it was a huge problem...
Yes, that was me-
the narrator of this fairy tale.
Yes, I am milking the moment for dramatic effect.
If you haven't guessed it yet.
I am a girl.
Moreover, I was King Dev's newly born baby daughter.
His princess.

I suspect you now understand the title of today's post better.
come back tomorrow or in a few days, because it gets better.