The Ogre turns to Alex.
"Pardon me." He says as he displays his teeth. Pretty nice dentistry. "Do you have an axe."
"Uhhhhh." Alex says in his suave yet contemplative manner. "I'll get one." then he scrambles away.
"Why do you need an axe?" Max asks.
"Well, Eugene- I can call you Eugene, right." The Ogre says.
"No," Max retorts.
"Well, Eugene, since you asked and have not spent much time around shady bars like this one." With this, the Ogre flourishes his arms out in a wide arc to the rest of the bar. "I'll tell you."
Silence, Max stares- I mean glares at the Ogre.
"I need the axe to start the music."
"Aha!" Max yells and jumps to his feet. "You're the Barbarian with the hook hand who plays piano!"
The Ogre looks puzzled.
Max slumps back into his stool, drops his head to the table. "Nevermind, wrong fairy tale."
Alex returns dragging a double bladed two-handed battle axe with a chipped right blade.
"Will this do sir Ogre?"
The Ogre studies it for a moment before reaching out and then flicking it out with a quick snap.
We all watch it sail through the air across the bar to bury itself in the far wall right about a unhappy, way too sober minstrel who screams and grabs his ukelele (no I have no idea what a ukelele is but I like saying it though) and commences strumming it madly.
The Ogre looks at me as I jump up on the table and definitely do not sing:
or
So what was the first song that came to mind to sing?
Why that merry old tune
As Good as the Prince Is.
Everyone loves that one!
"No they don't."
Well they will now.
(what follows is the song...mostly)
Me: "She said, I've seen you in here before."
The Ogre jumps up
The Ogre: "I've been in here a time or three!"
He bows low.
Me: "She said, "Hello my name is Princess Trinity.
meet my sisters Joela and Bethany.
We're all feeling kind of bored tonight
and you're the only knight in this place
if you're up for a rescue, then we can put a big
fairy tale reward on your face!"
The Ogre: "Ladies.
I am not as good as I once was,
I have several years on me now
not long ago I was in my prime
I could swing my sword, it was sublime!"
The Ogre plucks me off the table and acts as if to kiss me.
Max jumps up to stop this and the ogre trips him with his other foot.
Max eeps as he hits the floor.
The Ogre:"I could put my enemies down low
I could say them words real slow
I can probably love you all tonight
I might be brave enough
I am not as good as I once was
but I am evil when the going gets tough."
That wasn't so bad. right?
"No."
Aw Jane, not you too.
Me: "I still hang out at this bar with my gal Jane.
I've known her since we were trapped in that dungeon
last week."
Jane opens her mouth, I put my finger on her lips.
Me: "Don't speak."
Jane bite my finger.
Me: "Ow, Last night she had a few drinks,
got into a tight spot with two goblins over
a game of dice, I thinks.
Then one grumpy dwarf wades in and I hear
Jane say: "Hey Prince can you lend me a hand!"
"Well that part was accurate anyway."
Wait, what.
Me: "I said, "Jane,
I am not as good as I once was
My how the years have flown by
now hang on and don't cry!
I could really hold my own!
But if they want I a fight tonight
I will drag those goblins through it
I am not as good as I once was
but I can sweep the floor with those
goblins, dwarf and um a dragon?"
Yep, there is some guy who's got Jane in a vice grip
and it's not Max.
The Ogre laughs; "Here have a flagon!"
Me:" I used to be heck on wheels
Back when I was younger Prince"
Ogre: "Not much has happened since!"
Me: "I am not as brave as I once was.
That is just the hard cold truth."
Suddenly the bar is a flurry of arms and hands as a fight breaks out.
"Actually it's been going on since the ogre started singing!"
Me: I can still trhow a good punch, talk the talk
when I am feeling arrow proof!
so you should cross right now
cause I am going to call your bluff
I am not as good as I once was
but I bet I am good enough!"
This is when I catch a mug of brew with my face and everything goes dark.
I awaken as someone dumps a bucket of water on my face.
It's the Ogre.
"Nice song princess."
Then the door bursts open and we hear.
"Shreeeee-"
The Ogre interrupts.
"Gotta go."
"It was a good song" I say to the ceiling which has a few goblins in the rafters.
"Nope." Max says, "it was awful and your dancing stinks."
"Hater's are going to hate." I say.
A gnome looks down at me and says.
"Toby Keith sent you a message."
"Read it?" I say and wave at the goblins. (they give me a rude hand gesture.)
"It reads as thus: Hey, stop pirating my music."
"Oh." I say.
"Response?" the gnome asks.
"So sorry. won't happen again." I say.
"Who's Toby Keith?" Jane asks.
She's also in the rafters.
I miss the best stuff.
"That is not what happened." Max says.
"Okay, but mine was better."
"Pardon me." He says as he displays his teeth. Pretty nice dentistry. "Do you have an axe."
"Uhhhhh." Alex says in his suave yet contemplative manner. "I'll get one." then he scrambles away.
"Why do you need an axe?" Max asks.
"Well, Eugene- I can call you Eugene, right." The Ogre says.
"No," Max retorts.
"Well, Eugene, since you asked and have not spent much time around shady bars like this one." With this, the Ogre flourishes his arms out in a wide arc to the rest of the bar. "I'll tell you."
Silence, Max stares- I mean glares at the Ogre.
"I need the axe to start the music."
"Aha!" Max yells and jumps to his feet. "You're the Barbarian with the hook hand who plays piano!"
The Ogre looks puzzled.
Max slumps back into his stool, drops his head to the table. "Nevermind, wrong fairy tale."
Alex returns dragging a double bladed two-handed battle axe with a chipped right blade.
"Will this do sir Ogre?"
The Ogre studies it for a moment before reaching out and then flicking it out with a quick snap.
We all watch it sail through the air across the bar to bury itself in the far wall right about a unhappy, way too sober minstrel who screams and grabs his ukelele (no I have no idea what a ukelele is but I like saying it though) and commences strumming it madly.
or
So what was the first song that came to mind to sing?
Why that merry old tune
As Good as the Prince Is.
Everyone loves that one!
"No they don't."
Well they will now.
(what follows is the song...mostly)
Me: "She said, I've seen you in here before."
The Ogre jumps up
The Ogre: "I've been in here a time or three!"
He bows low.
Me: "She said, "Hello my name is Princess Trinity.
meet my sisters Joela and Bethany.
We're all feeling kind of bored tonight
and you're the only knight in this place
if you're up for a rescue, then we can put a big
fairy tale reward on your face!"
The Ogre: "Ladies.
I am not as good as I once was,
I have several years on me now
not long ago I was in my prime
I could swing my sword, it was sublime!"
The Ogre plucks me off the table and acts as if to kiss me.
Max jumps up to stop this and the ogre trips him with his other foot.
Max eeps as he hits the floor.
The Ogre:"I could put my enemies down low
I could say them words real slow
I can probably love you all tonight
I might be brave enough
I am not as good as I once was
but I am evil when the going gets tough."
That wasn't so bad. right?
"No."
Aw Jane, not you too.
Me: "I still hang out at this bar with my gal Jane.
I've known her since we were trapped in that dungeon
last week."
Jane opens her mouth, I put my finger on her lips.
Me: "Don't speak."
Jane bite my finger.
Me: "Ow, Last night she had a few drinks,
got into a tight spot with two goblins over
a game of dice, I thinks.
Then one grumpy dwarf wades in and I hear
Jane say: "Hey Prince can you lend me a hand!"
"Well that part was accurate anyway."
Wait, what.
Me: "I said, "Jane,
I am not as good as I once was
My how the years have flown by
now hang on and don't cry!
I could really hold my own!
But if they want I a fight tonight
I will drag those goblins through it
I am not as good as I once was
but I can sweep the floor with those
goblins, dwarf and um a dragon?"
Yep, there is some guy who's got Jane in a vice grip
and it's not Max.
The Ogre laughs; "Here have a flagon!"
Me:" I used to be heck on wheels
Back when I was younger Prince"
Ogre: "Not much has happened since!"
Me: "I am not as brave as I once was.
That is just the hard cold truth."
Suddenly the bar is a flurry of arms and hands as a fight breaks out.
"Actually it's been going on since the ogre started singing!"
Me: I can still trhow a good punch, talk the talk
when I am feeling arrow proof!
so you should cross right now
cause I am going to call your bluff
I am not as good as I once was
but I bet I am good enough!"
This is when I catch a mug of brew with my face and everything goes dark.
I awaken as someone dumps a bucket of water on my face.
It's the Ogre.
"Nice song princess."
Then the door bursts open and we hear.
"Shreeeee-"
The Ogre interrupts.
"Gotta go."
"It was a good song" I say to the ceiling which has a few goblins in the rafters.
"Nope." Max says, "it was awful and your dancing stinks."
"Hater's are going to hate." I say.
A gnome looks down at me and says.
"Toby Keith sent you a message."
"Read it?" I say and wave at the goblins. (they give me a rude hand gesture.)
"It reads as thus: Hey, stop pirating my music."
"Oh." I say.
"Response?" the gnome asks.
"So sorry. won't happen again." I say.
"Who's Toby Keith?" Jane asks.
She's also in the rafters.
I miss the best stuff.
"That is not what happened." Max says.
"Okay, but mine was better."
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