The troll sat down at the table.
"I am an Ogre."
What?
"O-G-R-E."
Oh, right. So the Ogre sat down at our table, taking the chair left for Grimm.
Alright. Now where was I?
"No singing." The Ogre says.
No singing. The narrator hangs his head in defeat.
"Is she going to catch up?" The Ogre asks.
What?
"I sat down and tossed that idiot guard of yours into the wall and-"
Fine. Everyone's a critic.
"So are trolls." The Ogre says.
I hate Ogres.
"So, why are you sitting here?" Max asks.
"Cuz' you guys are more interesting than the Orcs. bound to be more talkative than those witches and less chatty than the goblins."
"Did you say witches?" I ask glancing around.
"And you got a Dragon's head." the Ogre continues pretending not to hear me.
" I did hear you, but we need to build plot."
"Tension, you build tension to add enhance the plot."
"Close enough."
"What are you two going on about?" Jane says.
"Nevermind." The Ogre and I both says and take a drink.
"So, I got a proposition for you guys." The Ogre says.
"I'm listening." I say.
"This is a bad idea." Max says.
"What is a bad idea?" The Ogre says.
"Listening to ogres." Max says and gives me a meaningful look before glancing at the door.
"No." I say.
Max sulks.
"I like the prince already." the Ogre says. "Why do you keep calling me the Ogre?"
What?
"The Ogre?'
"I don't know your name and-"
"You know there are other ogres, right?"
"You mean like your wif-" Max starts.
"Nevermind, here's my proposal." the ogre says. (he grins at me) "Better."
The ogre-who shall not be named for copywrite reasons (that's what Ralph says)- leans towards me and hunches over. It is amazing how low and near to the table top he can hunch.
"Focus" the ogre says.
"Sorry."
"Now, what I need you to do for me is-"
"Now what's this?" Grimm's face appears between us. I lean back since Grimm smells really bad right now. (NO, dwarves never smell that bad. No I am not being racist against dwarves.)
I see Grimm has Metasprocket in the crook of his left arm. The gnome looks a bit blue.
"Go away- Dwarf." the ogre says.
"Fuke you, Greenie!" Grimm says as he winds up and for a moment, I am sure he's going to hit max, but he hits Metasprocket on the head, popping him out of his arm "whacka mole" style, sending the gnome reeling across the bar to crash down on top of Luke who is still sprawled in the corner by the fire.
"Go away, Dwarf." the ogre growls.
"I will not and you canna make me." Grimm announces before planting his fists on his hips.
The ogre rolls his eyes, cusses under his breath (it's definitely a curse), then punches Grimm right in his grinning face with one green meaty fist. Grimm's eyes roll up as well and he goes down like a tree.
"Now where was I?" The ogre says cracking his knuckles.
"You had some cockamanny plan." Max says.
"Oh right, the proposal." the ogre grins at him. "I need you to go to Ashdown Moor and bring me a Dumb Ass."
"Excuse me?" I say.
"What's a Dumbass?" Jane asks almost at the same time.
"Ladies." the ogre says. "I would go myself but he's not talking to me and I have other problems."
"What's a Dumbass?" Jane asks again.
"I think he is saying a Dumb Ass?" Max says.
"Is there a difference?" Jane asks Max, who shrugs, they both look at the ogre who is face-palming.
With a heavy sigh, the ogre holds up his finger at Max.
"Well for one thing-" there's a whoosh as Grimm's axe flies up into the corner of my eye and down towards the ogre, there's a crunch noise and Grimm comes into holding onto the haft of his axe.
"Ow!" the ogre exclaims.
"Gotye!" Grimm announces pulling on his axe.
The ogre shakes his finger, there's a pretty large splinter stuck in it.
"That looks painful." I say.
"If that's all Grimms axe did." Max says "Then what did he hit with the axe?"
The table shakes, then tips and all our drink slide down towards Grimm's face.
"Oh crap." Grimm says as a flagon of beer hits him in the forehead following by 3 cups of grog, one glass of wine, a loaf of bread, the bread board, and a dirty spoon. Grimm goes back down.
We all sit there looking at Grimm on the floor, the tilted table, and the ogre who is staring at the splinter in his finger.
Then the ogre roars. Grabs the table and hurls it across the room into a pack of orcs.
He looks over at the remains of the table, pulls the splinter out, and says.
"oops."
We look at the Orcs (they are big orcs too, they are all wearing black leather jackets with chains).
We look at each other.
We look at the ogre.
"He's not with us." Max says "We-"
Then he's catches a plate of food in the face.
Jane yells as she dodges the remains of the food, Alex screams like a girl and makes for the door.
The door burst open and admits the octopus woman who has several thugs with her.
"That's them." She announces and points right at me.
"I think a song and dance would have been better!" I yell before I charge across the room and jump the bar.
"I am an Ogre."
What?
"O-G-R-E."
Oh, right. So the Ogre sat down at our table, taking the chair left for Grimm.
Alright. Now where was I?
"No singing." The Ogre says.
No singing. The narrator hangs his head in defeat.
"Is she going to catch up?" The Ogre asks.
What?
"I sat down and tossed that idiot guard of yours into the wall and-"
Fine. Everyone's a critic.
"So are trolls." The Ogre says.
I hate Ogres.
"So, why are you sitting here?" Max asks.
"Cuz' you guys are more interesting than the Orcs. bound to be more talkative than those witches and less chatty than the goblins."
"Did you say witches?" I ask glancing around.
"And you got a Dragon's head." the Ogre continues pretending not to hear me.
" I did hear you, but we need to build plot."
"Tension, you build tension to add enhance the plot."
"Close enough."
"What are you two going on about?" Jane says.
"Nevermind." The Ogre and I both says and take a drink.
"So, I got a proposition for you guys." The Ogre says.
"I'm listening." I say.
"This is a bad idea." Max says.
"What is a bad idea?" The Ogre says.
"Listening to ogres." Max says and gives me a meaningful look before glancing at the door.
"No." I say.
Max sulks.
"I like the prince already." the Ogre says. "Why do you keep calling me the Ogre?"
What?
"The Ogre?'
"I don't know your name and-"
"You know there are other ogres, right?"
"You mean like your wif-" Max starts.
"Nevermind, here's my proposal." the ogre says. (he grins at me) "Better."
The ogre-who shall not be named for copywrite reasons (that's what Ralph says)- leans towards me and hunches over. It is amazing how low and near to the table top he can hunch.
"Focus" the ogre says.
"Sorry."
"Now, what I need you to do for me is-"
"Now what's this?" Grimm's face appears between us. I lean back since Grimm smells really bad right now. (NO, dwarves never smell that bad. No I am not being racist against dwarves.)
I see Grimm has Metasprocket in the crook of his left arm. The gnome looks a bit blue.
"Go away- Dwarf." the ogre says.
"Fuke you, Greenie!" Grimm says as he winds up and for a moment, I am sure he's going to hit max, but he hits Metasprocket on the head, popping him out of his arm "whacka mole" style, sending the gnome reeling across the bar to crash down on top of Luke who is still sprawled in the corner by the fire.
"Go away, Dwarf." the ogre growls.
"I will not and you canna make me." Grimm announces before planting his fists on his hips.
The ogre rolls his eyes, cusses under his breath (it's definitely a curse), then punches Grimm right in his grinning face with one green meaty fist. Grimm's eyes roll up as well and he goes down like a tree.
"Now where was I?" The ogre says cracking his knuckles.
"You had some cockamanny plan." Max says.
"Oh right, the proposal." the ogre grins at him. "I need you to go to Ashdown Moor and bring me a Dumb Ass."
"Excuse me?" I say.
"What's a Dumbass?" Jane asks almost at the same time.
"Ladies." the ogre says. "I would go myself but he's not talking to me and I have other problems."
"What's a Dumbass?" Jane asks again.
"I think he is saying a Dumb Ass?" Max says.
"Is there a difference?" Jane asks Max, who shrugs, they both look at the ogre who is face-palming.
With a heavy sigh, the ogre holds up his finger at Max.
"Well for one thing-" there's a whoosh as Grimm's axe flies up into the corner of my eye and down towards the ogre, there's a crunch noise and Grimm comes into holding onto the haft of his axe.
"Ow!" the ogre exclaims.
"Gotye!" Grimm announces pulling on his axe.
The ogre shakes his finger, there's a pretty large splinter stuck in it.
"That looks painful." I say.
"If that's all Grimms axe did." Max says "Then what did he hit with the axe?"
The table shakes, then tips and all our drink slide down towards Grimm's face.
"Oh crap." Grimm says as a flagon of beer hits him in the forehead following by 3 cups of grog, one glass of wine, a loaf of bread, the bread board, and a dirty spoon. Grimm goes back down.
We all sit there looking at Grimm on the floor, the tilted table, and the ogre who is staring at the splinter in his finger.
Then the ogre roars. Grabs the table and hurls it across the room into a pack of orcs.
He looks over at the remains of the table, pulls the splinter out, and says.
"oops."
We look at the Orcs (they are big orcs too, they are all wearing black leather jackets with chains).
We look at each other.
We look at the ogre.
"He's not with us." Max says "We-"
Then he's catches a plate of food in the face.
Jane yells as she dodges the remains of the food, Alex screams like a girl and makes for the door.
The door burst open and admits the octopus woman who has several thugs with her.
"That's them." She announces and points right at me.
"I think a song and dance would have been better!" I yell before I charge across the room and jump the bar.
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