The problem with having this many princes is that there is only so much space in the ten kingdoms to have the adventures that their fathers- the kings want them to have. Bragging rights take over as the main tension in this group of men. Territorial skirmishes took on a whole new level. Picture small armies showing up to make sure Hal gets to slay the Beast of Kalikos before George.
Lucky for us, no one gets much more than a lot of insulting and the occasional bruising when things get out of hand. But even as a kid, myself and some of the princes could see that the rivalries were going to continue escalating until it did get violent.
The Beast of Kalikos, by the way, laughed himself sick over that skirmish and moved to Malta later.
Who could blame him/it? The writing was on the wall, so to speak. He/It would be getting little sleep once the two kings settled things.
The Conspiracy.
Once everyone had arrived in Stonehaven, I set about inviting the Princes, I believed to be the most reasonable to my chambers in order to hatch what i was calling operation "Forget about it." In which, it was my purpose to find ways to stump our father's ambitions of dominance through acts of Princely heroism in order to ensure a lasting peace both at home and abroad.
I invited:
1. Prince Baldur, because I liked him and we had a lot of fun playing tag during my sixth birthday while our father's argued over who of us would be allowed to take on Grendel first once we turned 19. His brother, Thorn is very scary and pale like a ghost, so I didn't ask him. (should have known better).
2. Prince Phillip, he's always been a reasonable well behaved boy.
3. Princes Cronk and Dipcus, mostly because I still had no idea that princes could be dumb twits. The lessons I have learned.
4. Prince Louie and Godfrey, their brother is a spoiled brat and they hate him. I figured this had to be a "slam-dunk" (Ralph insists this is the best metaphor of all time).
5. Prince Hal, because everyone likes Hal.
6. Prince Mark, because I could spell Herikles and Ippy just makes me feel embarrassed. Something I didn't understand until I was 16.
My father threw a big feast and everyone came. Prince Baldur kept looking at me and winking and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable with the attention. Then I was just confused because I caught him doing the same thing to Princess Helen and she is very pretty.
So after the Princes and Princesses had retired back to their rooms, I awaited to see who would come to my invitation.
I waited a while before Baldur came in and then tried to kiss me. I punched him in the nose and he burst into tears and called me a horse. He spit up some blood and ran out of the room.
What the hell was that about I wondered.
Anyway none of the Princes came. I sat on my bed and wondered why and then a knock came and when I opened it up I found Hildy. Mark and Izzy looking at me with these weird smiles.
I let them in and we sat around eating some pilfered bunch cake (think fruit cake without the rum) and goat's milk. We tried the ale I had smuggled in but none of us like it much.
I told Hildy about Baldur trying to kiss me.
She looked at me out the side of her eyes and then she glanced at Izzy and Mark and started to laugh.
I sat there perplexed.
"Tell me that you punched him." Hildy said after a moment.
"I popped him in the nose." I declared and then "He got mad and cried and called me a horse."
Izzy fell over in gales of Laughter while Mark looked sick and tried to apologize for Baldur.
I was really confused.
"I don't understand." I said, "I mean we are both Princes. Why would he try to kiss me?"
Izzy stopped laughing and her and Hildy locked eyes and then they looked a bit ill too.
Mark opened and closed his mouth a few times.
Hildy came and sat down in front of me and I got scared.
I mean really scared.
"Charlie, you are not really a prince." Hildy said and then rushed on as I was about to disagree.
"You aren't exactly a princess either, but you are a girl like me and Izzy."
"What?"
"Baldur tried to kiss you because he knows, well we all know that you are a girl."
"But King Dev said I was-" I trailed off as all of what I could remember suddenly came into focus and then I suddenly knew why I hadn't seen Frankfurt in 3 years, I suddenly understood why King Hal and Prince Matrim had not been invited to my birthday party.
"Oh."
I wanted to cry.
I couldn't cause Princes do not cry, ever.
I still wanted to cry because I knew that I was no longer a prince.
I was nothing. I was a girl.
Izzy said that if I wanted to, she would teach me how to be a princess, but we both knew it was pointless. Izzy wasn't a very good princess either and Hildy had sworn off being a princess when she was four. Apparently that was an epic event in Eisengarde. Hildy said her dad (me paw as she puts it) ranted for three whole days and still begged her to wear dresses almost every month since then.
In the end we decided that Prince Mark was the best candidate for becoming a Princess and oddly enough, that made Mark very happy.
When you are nine, the world becomes a different place.
I knew that I was no longer a prince, but I also knew that King Dev would never accept it.
This is the problem with Fairy Tales.
Lucky for us, no one gets much more than a lot of insulting and the occasional bruising when things get out of hand. But even as a kid, myself and some of the princes could see that the rivalries were going to continue escalating until it did get violent.
The Beast of Kalikos, by the way, laughed himself sick over that skirmish and moved to Malta later.
Who could blame him/it? The writing was on the wall, so to speak. He/It would be getting little sleep once the two kings settled things.
The Conspiracy.
Once everyone had arrived in Stonehaven, I set about inviting the Princes, I believed to be the most reasonable to my chambers in order to hatch what i was calling operation "Forget about it." In which, it was my purpose to find ways to stump our father's ambitions of dominance through acts of Princely heroism in order to ensure a lasting peace both at home and abroad.
I invited:
1. Prince Baldur, because I liked him and we had a lot of fun playing tag during my sixth birthday while our father's argued over who of us would be allowed to take on Grendel first once we turned 19. His brother, Thorn is very scary and pale like a ghost, so I didn't ask him. (should have known better).
2. Prince Phillip, he's always been a reasonable well behaved boy.
3. Princes Cronk and Dipcus, mostly because I still had no idea that princes could be dumb twits. The lessons I have learned.
4. Prince Louie and Godfrey, their brother is a spoiled brat and they hate him. I figured this had to be a "slam-dunk" (Ralph insists this is the best metaphor of all time).
5. Prince Hal, because everyone likes Hal.
6. Prince Mark, because I could spell Herikles and Ippy just makes me feel embarrassed. Something I didn't understand until I was 16.
My father threw a big feast and everyone came. Prince Baldur kept looking at me and winking and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable with the attention. Then I was just confused because I caught him doing the same thing to Princess Helen and she is very pretty.
So after the Princes and Princesses had retired back to their rooms, I awaited to see who would come to my invitation.
I waited a while before Baldur came in and then tried to kiss me. I punched him in the nose and he burst into tears and called me a horse. He spit up some blood and ran out of the room.
What the hell was that about I wondered.
Anyway none of the Princes came. I sat on my bed and wondered why and then a knock came and when I opened it up I found Hildy. Mark and Izzy looking at me with these weird smiles.
I let them in and we sat around eating some pilfered bunch cake (think fruit cake without the rum) and goat's milk. We tried the ale I had smuggled in but none of us like it much.
I told Hildy about Baldur trying to kiss me.
She looked at me out the side of her eyes and then she glanced at Izzy and Mark and started to laugh.
I sat there perplexed.
"Tell me that you punched him." Hildy said after a moment.
"I popped him in the nose." I declared and then "He got mad and cried and called me a horse."
Izzy fell over in gales of Laughter while Mark looked sick and tried to apologize for Baldur.
I was really confused.
"I don't understand." I said, "I mean we are both Princes. Why would he try to kiss me?"
Izzy stopped laughing and her and Hildy locked eyes and then they looked a bit ill too.
Mark opened and closed his mouth a few times.
Hildy came and sat down in front of me and I got scared.
I mean really scared.
"Charlie, you are not really a prince." Hildy said and then rushed on as I was about to disagree.
"You aren't exactly a princess either, but you are a girl like me and Izzy."
"What?"
"Baldur tried to kiss you because he knows, well we all know that you are a girl."
"But King Dev said I was-" I trailed off as all of what I could remember suddenly came into focus and then I suddenly knew why I hadn't seen Frankfurt in 3 years, I suddenly understood why King Hal and Prince Matrim had not been invited to my birthday party.
"Oh."
I wanted to cry.
I couldn't cause Princes do not cry, ever.
I still wanted to cry because I knew that I was no longer a prince.
I was nothing. I was a girl.
Izzy said that if I wanted to, she would teach me how to be a princess, but we both knew it was pointless. Izzy wasn't a very good princess either and Hildy had sworn off being a princess when she was four. Apparently that was an epic event in Eisengarde. Hildy said her dad (me paw as she puts it) ranted for three whole days and still begged her to wear dresses almost every month since then.
In the end we decided that Prince Mark was the best candidate for becoming a Princess and oddly enough, that made Mark very happy.
When you are nine, the world becomes a different place.
I knew that I was no longer a prince, but I also knew that King Dev would never accept it.
This is the problem with Fairy Tales.
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