So the Dragon Barrens looked pretty barren.
"Well no one's here, or around." I said to my 4 compatriots, "let's head over to Coventry and buy a Dragon's head and tell King Dev that it was a hard and..."
Grimm was shaking his head.
Alexander, captain of my personal guard, was pointing out to the west (opposite direction of Coventry).
Luke and Wilks were nodding with me- particularly since they had just seen what Alex had pointed at. Luke and Wilks are my personal guard. Yes, this makes Alex a Captain of two men. No, the irony is not lost on me although Alex pretends that it doesn't bother him.
I turned to the west to gaze at the looming hill jutting out of the Barrens like a dark tower of ultimate evil and my mouth fell open.
"I say we run for it- in that direction." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder.
Luke and Wilks looked and me, then Grimm and their collective heads slumped.
Dammit.
Alexander clapped his hands together (yes clapped) and strode to the wagon and began unpacking armor and gear. After a moment of dread silence, Wilks and Luke plodded over and half-heartedly began to help unpack the gear.
Atop this foreboding hill squatted a ruined castle with only one turret tower sticking out above the plains like a giant's fist clutching at the fading sun. It was a sight that will forever be etched in my memory as "what the hell was my father thinking."
"Thar she blows lassie, the Keep of Eir Noch Dor!" Grimm said, trying and failing to sound ominous.
"That's it?"
"Yes, the Keep of Eir Noch Dor!" except Grimm was actually saying "ear nock duuuuuur."
"I dunno, it sounds kind of dumb." I said.
Alexander and the other two men whirled around to stare at me as if I had said "Hey look, it's that idiot, my father" and I had said it right in earshot.
Right now, I felt like saying that next.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Alexander said and then added "shhhhhhhhh."
"What?" I said looking around, yep no one to ever side of me for miles and miles, unless you count Grimm and I wasn't.
"The dragon will hear you." Luke exclaimed in a whisper which was actually more like a squeak.
"What dragon." I said. "I don't see any dragon." It was true, as far as I could see- other than the ruined castle there was no sign of a dragon unless you counted that claw like thing on top of the castle that- well dammit there was the dragon. I did actually feel like it was now staring at me. Silently, I thank Cronos, I had not said Stupid dragon like I had intended.
"Oh, that dragon." I finished.
"Uh oh." Grimm said behind me.
"What do you mean Uh Oh?" I said still looking a the dragon who did not look as small as he had been described to me not 10 counts past.
"I mean, Castle Eir Noch Dor is supposed to be in a gully, hence the Eir." Grimm said.
I whirled around to find him looking over a folded up map that he must have had and forgotten to mention so far.
"It that is not Noch Dor, then what is it?" I wanted to say a cuss word but Princes are not taught any. Ralph the Semi Awesome had once yelled a word that sounded like Fuke and when I asked him what it meant, he had stopped yelling it, patted me on the head- I was eight, then said it meant bad luck and quickly closed the door to his study which was on fire at the time. Still Fuke didn't feel appropriate right now.
Grimm looked his map, cursed in unpronounceable Dwarvish- well at least I think it was Dwarvish and spat. Grimm only spits when he is very upset.
Then he proceeded to tear up the map.
I heard some guy yell "Noooooooooooooooooo." (yes, it was that long).
Grimm stopped what he was doing, looked down at the tattered remains of the map and said "Oopsy" then proceeded to stomp on the tattered remains pretty enthusiastically.
I turned back to see that Alexander had fainted and Luke was running away to the east in the coming darkness still yelling "Nooooooooooooooo! (yes, it was that long).
I looked at Wilks who just shrugged and went back to unrolling the tent.
I looked back to Grimm, who stood now to one side, pipe in hand with a thoughtful expression.
"Grimm?"
"The good news is that we have no idea where Eir Noch Door is or was."
Gulp.
"And the bad news?"
Grimm clicked the pipe stem against his teeth before answering.
"I would say we are probably fuked."
I suddenly realized a few things.
"Well no one's here, or around." I said to my 4 compatriots, "let's head over to Coventry and buy a Dragon's head and tell King Dev that it was a hard and..."
Grimm was shaking his head.
Alexander, captain of my personal guard, was pointing out to the west (opposite direction of Coventry).
Luke and Wilks were nodding with me- particularly since they had just seen what Alex had pointed at. Luke and Wilks are my personal guard. Yes, this makes Alex a Captain of two men. No, the irony is not lost on me although Alex pretends that it doesn't bother him.
I turned to the west to gaze at the looming hill jutting out of the Barrens like a dark tower of ultimate evil and my mouth fell open.
"I say we run for it- in that direction." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder.
Luke and Wilks looked and me, then Grimm and their collective heads slumped.
Dammit.
Alexander clapped his hands together (yes clapped) and strode to the wagon and began unpacking armor and gear. After a moment of dread silence, Wilks and Luke plodded over and half-heartedly began to help unpack the gear.
Atop this foreboding hill squatted a ruined castle with only one turret tower sticking out above the plains like a giant's fist clutching at the fading sun. It was a sight that will forever be etched in my memory as "what the hell was my father thinking."
"Thar she blows lassie, the Keep of Eir Noch Dor!" Grimm said, trying and failing to sound ominous.
"That's it?"
"Yes, the Keep of Eir Noch Dor!" except Grimm was actually saying "ear nock duuuuuur."
"I dunno, it sounds kind of dumb." I said.
Alexander and the other two men whirled around to stare at me as if I had said "Hey look, it's that idiot, my father" and I had said it right in earshot.
Right now, I felt like saying that next.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Alexander said and then added "shhhhhhhhh."
"What?" I said looking around, yep no one to ever side of me for miles and miles, unless you count Grimm and I wasn't.
"The dragon will hear you." Luke exclaimed in a whisper which was actually more like a squeak.
"What dragon." I said. "I don't see any dragon." It was true, as far as I could see- other than the ruined castle there was no sign of a dragon unless you counted that claw like thing on top of the castle that- well dammit there was the dragon. I did actually feel like it was now staring at me. Silently, I thank Cronos, I had not said Stupid dragon like I had intended.
"Oh, that dragon." I finished.
"Uh oh." Grimm said behind me.
"What do you mean Uh Oh?" I said still looking a the dragon who did not look as small as he had been described to me not 10 counts past.
"I mean, Castle Eir Noch Dor is supposed to be in a gully, hence the Eir." Grimm said.
I whirled around to find him looking over a folded up map that he must have had and forgotten to mention so far.
"It that is not Noch Dor, then what is it?" I wanted to say a cuss word but Princes are not taught any. Ralph the Semi Awesome had once yelled a word that sounded like Fuke and when I asked him what it meant, he had stopped yelling it, patted me on the head- I was eight, then said it meant bad luck and quickly closed the door to his study which was on fire at the time. Still Fuke didn't feel appropriate right now.
Grimm looked his map, cursed in unpronounceable Dwarvish- well at least I think it was Dwarvish and spat. Grimm only spits when he is very upset.
Then he proceeded to tear up the map.
I heard some guy yell "Noooooooooooooooooo." (yes, it was that long).
Grimm stopped what he was doing, looked down at the tattered remains of the map and said "Oopsy" then proceeded to stomp on the tattered remains pretty enthusiastically.
I turned back to see that Alexander had fainted and Luke was running away to the east in the coming darkness still yelling "Nooooooooooooooo! (yes, it was that long).
I looked at Wilks who just shrugged and went back to unrolling the tent.
I looked back to Grimm, who stood now to one side, pipe in hand with a thoughtful expression.
"Grimm?"
"The good news is that we have no idea where Eir Noch Door is or was."
Gulp.
"And the bad news?"
Grimm clicked the pipe stem against his teeth before answering.
"I would say we are probably fuked."
I suddenly realized a few things.
- Ralph either was wrong or lying about the meaning of the word Fuke.
- Grimm and Alexander had no real sense of direction.
- Luke was a yellow bellied coward and could run faster than any of us
- We still had some horses.
- Although, I doubt they could outrun the dragon that was now extending a wingspan larger than Dad's Flag ship which was 250 feet long.
- I was not going to be know as Dame Charles the Tame Dragon Slayer
- because we were fuked, which I now think means cooked.
also, I would like to request that I get a transfer to a different fairy tale.
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